I Hate Fights

Fights suck. They really do. Especially when you get in a fight with your spouse. The stupid thing is that the fight usually isn't about what you're talking about in the moment, it's about something else entirely.

Most fights are started by a miscommunication or unmet expectation. Then it's not just about that, but how the person reacts, and the attitude in which they are fighting. Honestly it's stupid. I could be completely in the right but if my reaction is bad it causes a whole other fight. 

This isn't just Riley and I, this stuff happened with my sisters all the time. The ironic thing is that I pride myself on my communication skills, but marriage has taken my communication skills and said, "HAHA, nope." and metaphorically thrown them out the window. 

The issue is that when I'm fighting with Riley, it's usually because he hit a nerve and I'm not big on talking about things that make me feel vulnerable or weak...yeah...you have to talk about those things or you're going to implode.

Don't worry, Riley and I got over our stupid fight. I was also reminded of a few things that help us limit the amount that we have:

1. Be clear about your expectations. In other words, don't assume the the other person knows what you want them to do while they're home all day. Ask them to do what you expect them to. At the very least if they say no you won't expect it to be done.                                                                                                                                                     
2. The fight is not a battle and there is no winner. If you dive into a fight with the attitude of "I'm going to win." you're both going to lose and there will be things said that will make the situation much worse.                                                                                                                                                                                                                
3. You can't stand still in a relationship. If one person is making major changes and the other isn't, there is bound to be conflict. If you're the one changing make sure you're not just throwing yourself a pity party. If you're not changing, be willing to talk about it and praise your spouse (if they're good changes) and let them know that you do notice.

So yeah, there is the advice from the happily married person who still gets in unhappy fights and is learning how to be a better wife and person everyday.