5 Things I've Learned in 2 Years of Marriage

Today Riley and I have officially been married for two years. Yay! Yes, I know that's not a long time, but it's still something I'm very happy about. It has been a crazy two years...we're both almost done with our Bachelor's degree, we had a baby, I started my own company, and we've both learned A LOT about each other.

In order to highlight some of the great and tough times we've had, I made a list of 5 things I've learned while being married. This list is more for me, but I hope that I can pass some naive wisdom along to someone else.

1. Marriage is a Trial

No offense to my dear husband, but I'm pretty sure neither of us would describe our marriage as blissful. Being married is SO much harder than being single. You have to understand that you are committing yourself to that person not only when they're being awesome, but also when they're being an idiot. You come home to a happy, excited person, but you also come home to a grumpy jerk.

When you go through a rough patch in your life it's difficult, but when you're married you also go through your spouse's trials as well. While I've been having my medical issues I'm not the only person who has to suffer through the doctor's appointments, the drugs, the operations, my husband does too. When he goes to medical school, he won't be the only suffering through the long nights, stressful tests, feelings of inadequacy, I will too.

2. I am still Me

In many ways we are one, but I am still as different from Riley as I was before we got married. We're like our wedding rings, they link us together, but they are as different as can be in style. 

Riley is my other half in the sense that he complements me. My flaws, my strengths, are magnified by his. If he were to disappear from my life I would be devastated but I would not lose who I am. My spouse does not define me, I define myself. 

What Riley does do for me is help me grow and nurture my strengths but also conquer and manage my weaknesses. When we work on me together I'm able to grow more successfully than I would on my own.

3. Feelings will get Hurt

For those of you who know my husband, you know that he is one of the most sincere and kind men on the planet. He is the kind of person that will drop whatever he's doing just to give you a hug. This is a quality I treasure, and this is something I try to emulate. 

However, no matter how kind or loving an individual is, when you live with someone and see every part of who they are, you're not always going to like it. Although I love Riley dearly and I am convinced we have a great relationship, there are times when one or both of us is an idiot and we do and say things that are meant to hurt the other person.

Even if we don't mean to intentionally hurt the other, things will happen that feels like a slap in the face. A break of trust, a small but repeated offense, and those things pile up. The good news is that although feelings will get hurt, you can take things into your own hands and make sure that you apologize when you are the offender. So far that has been the best thing we can do for each other. 

4. Communication is Hard

I'm personally quite upset about this one. I'm a communications major and have always prided myself on my ability to listen and communicate. When we got married I was still pretty sure this part wouldn't be a problem. However, it turns out that the more stressed out you get and when you decide to have a baby on top of all the craziness, your ability to step out of yourself and try to listen to the other decreases drastically.

I guess the reason this one is difficult for me is that I can't communicate when I'm throwing a pity party or completely absorbed in my life. To be honest I have no desire to hear about someone else's problems when I have my own, and that's stupid. 

Communication is hard in a marriage because the effort that it takes to take yourself away from your problems and sit down with theirs is incredibly difficult. The good news is that it's not impossible, but it takes tons of practice. Luckily we have forever so hopefully we'll get it down at some point.

5. Marriage brings more Joy

My ability to love and feel joy has skyrocketed the past two years. Recently that has a lot more to do with our son but even before then there was a shift in highs and lows. When things are going great with Riley I am far more happy than I was on my own. Sadly the opposite of that also happens, when things aren't going well with Riley I am capable of far more hurt and sadness.

Being with someone, letting them see you in every sense, causes me great anxiety. I hate the fact that Riley has seen me at my worst. He has seen me when I'm mad, in a panic attack, vulnerable, in labor, etc. but he has also seen me at my best. When I started my company, when I held our son for the first time, when I've born my testimony, etc. 

In two short years of marriage, this man has seen me face some hard trials. We've had a baby for crying out loud! Marriage is difficult, it's scary, and quite frankly in some ways it would be easier to be single. With all of that, I wouldn't trade this feeling of love and acceptance from one person for anything. 

My husband has grown to love me and continues to do so everyday. How lucky am I that I get to be with this man forever? Incredibly lucky. I love him more than I can possibly express. We've been through more than I planned on in our first two years of marriage and I know we'll go through way more in the future. I wouldn't want anyone else by my side for that. Two years down, forever to go.