Want but Won't

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I have pretty high anxiety. My main sources of anxiety used to be hospitals and needles, but after 28 hours of labor that isn't a big deal anymore. Now my main sources of anxiety come from things that could cause embarrassment. This encompasses a lot of real and made up situation.

I hate my anxiety. I don't like the sheer panic that grips me and stops me from saying and doing certain things. Since this is a weakness that I want to turn into a strength I have done many things that I have helped me control and reduce the amount of anxiety I feel.

Something I have done so I can fully understand how much my anxiety has limited me, and also gives me a sort of To Do List of things to conquer, is what I like to call my Want but Won't list. 

This list is a compilation of things that I would love to do. Things that if they panned out would change my life and give me a type of confidence you can only get from doing ridiculously difficult things and survive (keep in mind that what may be ridiculously difficult for me is not for you). There are some things on that list that are incredibly personal, but others that are pretty silly but still difficult for me to do:

• Participate in an open mic night
• Enter a legit cooking competition
• Do a stand-up comedy routine
• Go dancing
• Walk into a random store and try to get them as a client
• Ride on the Sky Coaster at Lagoon
• Go to a hairstylist and let them do whatever they want

After I talked to my husband he had a few more suggestions:

• Hug a stranger
• Send a book in to be published
• Cook something without a recipe

Making the list was actually fun. Now I need to start hammering through and making sure that I'm not limited by my anxiety. Looking back on my life the things that I regret the most aren't my mistakes, but the things I was too afraid to go for.