How Do You Handle Grief?

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I am not a breakdown person. If something is difficult I tend to swallow it back. I may speak about what is making me upset, but I usually don't scream, yell, break something, etc. I don't go look for vengeance although it could be incredibly easy and justified. I've always had the mindset that when you are upset, those are the times that you should exercise the most restraint.

The hardest thing that I have dealt with is the fact that I still have hope. I still have hope that one day I'll wake up and everything will be OK again. I'm still waiting for an angel to come down and tell me that all is well now, life can go back to the way it was, only so much better. But it can't be that way. The fact that loss happens, whether it was your decision or not, is heartbreaking. Even when you know that what you're doing is right, it doesn't remove the pain that follows loss.

The only thing that has gotten me through this is my Heavenly Father. Whether or not you believe in God, I know that if he wasn't there in my heart and mind I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I wouldn't have been able to get a job, I wouldn't be able to still be doing well in school, and I would not be the best mother I could be to Jax.

One thing that has helped me greatly is this talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf - Grateful Under Any Circumstances:

I am grateful that I was able to get a job so quickly when I needed it. I am grateful for my parents, family, and friends who have been my rock. I am grateful that I have a happy, healthy son. I am grateful that I'm having a healthy pregnancy and my daughter is doing well. I am grateful that my adviser was able to make it so I can graduate in April 2016. 

Most of all I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Not only does it make it so I can repent, but it also makes it so I can heal from any pain and affliction I face. I have had so much personal revelation the past few weeks that there is no doubt in my mind that God knows me personally and is aware of my little family. He is carrying me right now because I don't have the strength to walk. All I can do is cling to him as tightly as possible. 

Pain is a part of life. Satan tries to take that pain and turn it into despair, to make it so you can longer hope. God takes that pain and carries you through it. Not only that but he teaches that although you need to feel pain now, your joy will be greater than you can possibly imagine. I need to hope that even though things won't work out the way I would like them to, that my life will be better than it has ever been before.