My Children Are Already Better Than Me
This was not a great morning. As Jax and I were getting ready for church I was incredibly grumpy. I was tired, I was sad, and easily irritated. Add a 2-year-old to the mix and you've got a Mom who is being a butt. As I was grumping about getting the right socks and finishing my make up, Jax just looked at me and laughed. He gave me a big hug and a big smile then went to grab his shoes.
As I was putting on his shoes I said to him, "Mommy is being silly isn't she?"
The last few weeks have been the most difficult ones of my life. I have been handling it pretty well, but rewind to a few days ago...I had had a rough night. Jax had been so sick and needed his Mom, and I was having nightmares that felt incredibly real.
I woke up that morning full of despair. I started bawling and couldn't stop. My sweet little boy came up to me, put my face in his hands and gave me a kiss. He then hugged me and proceeded to hand me all his stuffed animals so that I could hug them and feel better like he does.
Words can not express how much it has meant to me to have that sweet boy in my life. He reminds me constantly of what is really important. He helps me look past myself and the struggles in life that are ever present. He reminds me that I am unconditionally loved, and that I will be his mommy forever.
I am lucky enough to have another child enter my life in the next few months. This little girl and her brother are crazy for coming down to me of all people. With the train wreck my life has been the only conclusion I can come up with is that they are here to bless me, not the other way around.
My children are already better than me because they are already being put in a position of service. Their very existence makes the impossible seem possible in my eyes. I am constantly having to look out of myself and when I can't I have a smile from a son or a kick from my daughter to remind me that I am never alone.
I pray that I will be able to repay them. I pray that I will be able to provide what they need in this life to be happy. They have already done more for me in the past few weeks than I feel that I will be able to do for them in my lifetime. How blessed I am to be a Mother. How blessed I am that they were willing to take a chance on me and come down into my life at a time when I need them most.
I love you Jax and Lily.
As I was putting on his shoes I said to him, "Mommy is being silly isn't she?"
The last few weeks have been the most difficult ones of my life. I have been handling it pretty well, but rewind to a few days ago...I had had a rough night. Jax had been so sick and needed his Mom, and I was having nightmares that felt incredibly real.
I woke up that morning full of despair. I started bawling and couldn't stop. My sweet little boy came up to me, put my face in his hands and gave me a kiss. He then hugged me and proceeded to hand me all his stuffed animals so that I could hug them and feel better like he does.
I am lucky enough to have another child enter my life in the next few months. This little girl and her brother are crazy for coming down to me of all people. With the train wreck my life has been the only conclusion I can come up with is that they are here to bless me, not the other way around.
I pray that I will be able to repay them. I pray that I will be able to provide what they need in this life to be happy. They have already done more for me in the past few weeks than I feel that I will be able to do for them in my lifetime. How blessed I am to be a Mother. How blessed I am that they were willing to take a chance on me and come down into my life at a time when I need them most.
I love you Jax and Lily.
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