Three Words

When I have worked with clients in the past I would always ask them to tell me the three words they would use to describe their business. My rule was that I couldn't post or create content if it didn't fit one of those words. It helped me get an idea of who they were, and it gave them a guideline that was easy to understand and stick with.

I had built out a presentation and one of the slides had this guideline. Our VP told me that she had had this conversation with a friend of hers but it was meant to be applied to your life in general. She had used it for herself and her kids to help determine your actions and what you stood for. The rule was it had to fit two of the words or else you didn't say or do it.

Now I've been asked this question before in interviews and even on a couple dates, "What three words would you use to describe yourself?". I've always viewed it as a way to focus on how you are in a work setting or as a potential significant other so the answer always depended on the situation. Interview: Hard working, honest, goal oriented. Date: Fun, happy, great kisser (jk, I would never say that, not saying that I'm not but...you know what nevermind). 

Ever since this conversation I have had this nagging thought in the back of  my, "Seriously, Kaili, what are your three words?"

Identity Transition

To say that I've gone through a major life transition would be an understatement. I honestly feel like the last year has been a completely different reality and the few years before that has become a faded dream. It's a really weird sensation and because of this I've gone on, forgive the cliche, a journey to find myself again. 

I know I've had an identity crisis and it's been difficult to find where I fit. The image of who I want to become is still fairly fluid and going through that has been hard. Some things have clicked into place, such as the kind of mother and friend I want to be, and how I want people to feel around me. Those have been huge realizations and I'm grateful for them.

There are other things that are still fluid that range from the kind of romantic relationship I want to have in the future to what freaking haircut/color I'm going to settle on (seriously, I've changed my hair four times in the last year and there isn't an end in sight).

Those seemingly shallow things can really get to you though! I've deleted all my music and repopulated it with new stuff multiple times. My taste in clothes has shifted, my make-up routine, even what I enjoy eating has changed (I actually crave salad now). It sounds silly but when the things you enjoy don't stay consistent it messes with you.

I don't think that my transition is over yet and part of me is excited about that. I haven't been this willing to try new things and grow in a long time and it can be invigorating. I'm reconnecting with things that I'm passionate about and that bring me genuine joy. 

What are my three words?

Even with work-in-progress feeling I'm glad that I've been able to ponder this. Although I feel like I'm being blown about in a crazy storm I know some important things about who I am and that's kept me steady. I just haven't thought about putting that into three words before.

Strong.

This word was the first one that came to my mind. One of the greatest realizations that I had almost two years ago is that I'm a strong person and that I'm capable of doing the seemingly impossible. Even though that whole experience was life shattering in many ways, I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to see what I was made of. It turns out that I'm made of strong stuff.

Loving. 

I will be the first one to tell you that I'm not a perfect representation of this word, but I do feel that it's one of the three. I got a thank you note from a dear friend of mine a little while ago and there was a line that made me feel like I was doing something right:

"You are in a huge life transition and yet you never use that as an excuse. In fact, it seems to propel you to love those around you even more."

During my major life transition I have had the opportunity to learn how to love people in a deeper way than I could before. I was a selfish person at home, at work, and with people in general. Being able to see that and commit to being more selfless and loving has changed me as a person. I was lucky enough to have loving people around me to show me how it's done.

What made this lesson stick was my boss at Boostability. I took on a job to be able to buy diapers, gas, etc. and it was an entry level position. I wasn't happy about it but I was going to be the best employee dang it. 

I had the opinion that no one was going to do you any favors in the workforce. You had to be obviously better than everyone in order to get anywhere. It was a cutthroat attitude and made me a jealous person in the workplace.

So when I met my boss and saw how much he genuinely loved everyone on his team I was weirded out. I had had bosses like that before, don't get me wrong, I've been incredibly luck in that department, I think I was in a place to notice it more. He taught me that in order to truly succeed you have to be invested in others' success as much as you're invested in your own.

That lesson stuck when I applied for a promotion. I know I had killed the interview and that I was more than qualified. He brought me in to chat with him and our team mentor:

"Kaili, this has been a hard decision...but I can't give you the promotion. I don't want you to burn out...we feel that if we gave this to you, with all the other things you're trying to accomplish in your life, that this will burn you out and make everything more stressful."

I was shocked, not at the fact that I didn't get it, but that he was serious. I knew that he was sincerely looking out for my well being as a person. And it turns out he was right. When Lily came early I had to leave that job. That experience has changed the way I view people and he showed me how to genuinely love the people around you.

Third Word...

I still can not figure out what my third word is, but I know what I want it to be. I want my third word to be Happy. I'm grateful for my life but I know that I can let the stress of life overshadow the great things. No matter what happens I want to say that I'm always happy. I'm not there yet but I feel like I'm close!

What are your three words?